


Back to You

by neverananghel



Series: Song Prompts [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, What Is Wrong With ME, i come back to writing after a year and i come back with angst, i love krisho i promise, implied seho at the end, in moana's voice, post-departure au, that's a spoiler, they're like my number 2 otp in exo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 04:04:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10586064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverananghel/pseuds/neverananghel
Summary: I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t.So if the chain is on your door, I understand.





	

**Author's Note:**

> One day, my shuffled playlist decided to play with my feelings. This is the result.
> 
> Inspired by Taylor Swift's Back to December.

“Congratulations—EXO!”

 

Kris grabs the remote from the couch, and shuts off the TV broadcasting an awards show with his bandmates— _former_ bandmates.

 

He slumps on the couch, glancing warily at his penthouse apartment—it’s starting again.

 

Ever since he left, he can’t shake off the gnawing feeling of—of— _something._

It isn’t regret—he surely didn’t have any regrets over leaving an entertainment company that will take too long to really recognize his talents and his potential, nor did he feel regret leaving a land that made him feel comfortable and isolated at the same time.

 

It isn’t guilt—though some of it, towards his brothers, who shared his joy and his pain, no matter how stoic he looked on the outside, pretending like he didn’t care when he actually did. But it wasn’t that feeling that keeps him awake at night, because they knew, he wouldn’t stay for long. They knew his dreams, his ambitions, his goals, and EXO—SM—wouldn’t give that to him; much less pave the way to it.

 

It isn’t sadness—he’s happy. He works in his homeland, even in the US where he could use his other self—in a language that he grew up with. He’s got everything he wished for, more than what he could have if he stayed. He could rest whenever he wants, do whatever he wants, go wherever he wants, with little to no restrictions.

 

It’s his life. He’s finally doing it for _himself._

 

Convinced that whatever that something he feels doesn’t matter, he turns the TV back on.

 

Ah—and there, with the cameras focused solely on him, that’s Yifan’s answer.

 

_Suho. Leader of EXO._

 

_Kim Joonmyun, his other half._

 

He hasn’t changed—Yifan notes—the same stunning face, and behind all that make up, someone soft— _angelic—_ a face perfect for a model citizen (as he thinks about this, Yifan lets out snort and lets a small grin grace his lips).

 

He’s delivering his speech, a similar version to what he said during MAMA 2013, except less emotional, but the genuineness and sincerity is still there—stronger, even.

 

Kim Joonmyun still shines brightly in Yifan’s eyes.

 

(He once had that shine by his side, sharing light, warmth, giving brightness to his dark mind. But now—but now—now—)

 

Suddenly, all of the walls Yifan built crumbles.

 

_He was in denial._

 

All of the feelings he claimed he didn’t feel—he isn’t feeling—regret, guilt, sadness, all of those, he _feels._

 

Not for his brothers, not for his decisions, but for _him._

For what was—is—the most important thing that he had, but let go.

 

_He remembers a cold beach, him running into it, only in his shirt, pants, and shoes in January, the water freezing. He remembers rambunctious cheers, he remembers hastily running towards the shore, to escape the cold, cold, cold waters, and there he was, walking slowly, with open arms. He ran to him. He remembers the hug; he remembers the warmth that unfurled in his chest. He remembers. He remembers._

The one who could complete him.*

 

_He remembers watching MCountdown on that day, May 15, 2014, saw him up on stage alone. He smiled confidently, thanked the fans for the win, but Yifan saw the cracks of his Suho mask. He caused it._

_He kept watching until the closing credits, his chest hurt but eyes were dry. He wouldn’t—couldn’t—cry. He didn’t deserve to let out tears, to inform everybody, anybody, somebody that he was hurt too, that he was pained, too._

_A few minutes after the show ended, his phone beeped._

_It was from him._

“Yifan, I understand. Believe me when I say that I know you more than you know yourself. I know you’re hurting too. It’s okay. We’ll be fine. We’re a bit shocked, and Tao is closed off to all reasoning, everyone’s dreading what would happen, especially with the concert so soon. But all of us wish the best for you, something that the company couldn’t give you. Be happy.”

 

_Once he finished reading it, Yifan cried._

Yifan tried keeping in contact. But he was busy, going overseas a lot, and Joonmyun was even busier, with concerts here and there, filming, and recording.

 

Yifan tried to hold on, but it was too hard.

 

Eventually they drifted apart.

 

_Oh, how he wishes to go back. Go back how or where, Yifan doesn’t know, as long as he has Kim Joonmyun by his side._

 

Giving his attention back to what he’s watching, he sees that EXO has finished receiving their award, and is going back to their seats.

 

He was about to turn off the television when he notices something. The camera is not so focused on the group, but on the place where the artists sit, the members sitting one by one.

 

Joonmyun is already seated, with Sehun by his side. Sehun looks bored, while Joonmyun plays the part of the leader, the example, listening attentively to the MCs, back straight but not tensed. Slowly, Sehun slumps lower, head resting in Jumyeon’s neck.

 

Yifan narrows his eyes. He sees Sehun’s mouth form the word _hyung_ , so Joonmyun turns to him with bright eyes, their hands subtly intertwining.

 

_Yifan knows that look. That look is—was—for him._

 

He turns off the TV, throwing the remote somewhere on the couch, and stalks off to his bedroom, intending to sleep.

 

_He doesn’t have anything to go back to._

 

\--

 

From Back to December:

 

I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t.

So if the chain is on your door, I understand.

**Author's Note:**

> Additional Notes:
> 
> Kris jersey number is 00, while Suho’s jersey number is 1. Suho once said that without each other, they wouldn’t be 100 (complete) so I made a play on that. Suho being one is not just figuratively, but literally. Kris’ 00 would need Suho’s 1 to be 100.
> 
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated! <3
> 
> Also, hit me up on twitter! @cheonsassime


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